I wonder if

I wonder if you ever have a fleeting thought of me

If you ever look at something and flashback

To a time when we, underneath the bunk bed,
Laid together knowing that the world was ours

I wonder if you ever feel the same longing

As we once had, while with her,

Knowing what you did when we were still meshed

And me loving every minute of it til the very end

I wonder if you ever regret what you did to me

If you ever look at yourself in the mirror

Hating yourself as I hated you then

And believing the very lies you used to hide your faults

I wonder if she's as good to you as I was

If she loves you, devotes her life to you as I did

Do you look at her and think of me?
Does her kiss remind you of mine?

I wonder if you ever really did stay true to me

At least physically, since we both know the truth

About your mental and emotional cheating

How you two knew, before it was over, your fate

I wonder if after all of this time you can still say

That you loved me with all of your heart

That you wanted to marry me and me bare your children

That you wanted to love and live with me until the end of time

I wonder if it was ever real or just some game

We played together, because we didn't know what else to do

Did we ever love each other or was it just a childish fling?
A three and a half year event full of passion, friendship, and 'I love you's

I wonder if I can ever completely forget our memories

And rely fully on the present and the future to let me

Dive into them and emerse myself in my current world

Of love and life and happiness without you

I wonder if my life can be rid of the demons of the past

And the devils of my sin and be a blank sheet of nothingness

Ready to be forgotten, shed like dead skin

Where you are not even a memory

I wonder if I would be where I am without you

If I would have learned all that I know now without you

Breaking my heart so thoroughly and without emotion

Would I still have dug into my soul to find myself?

I wonder if it would have worked out at another time in life

What if we waited? Would anything have come from it?

We were children just living for each other with nothing to lose

And everything to gain except a love that we couldn't understand

I wonder if I am who I am because of you

I ask myself often if you changed me at all

And I know that you have, but it was for the worst

For I had to hit rock bottom before I could go back up to myself

I wonder if you cared as I fell apart, alone without my best friend

Or my lover there to comfort me and tell me life would get better

Did you ever care or was that just an act to get what you wanted?

Was I just a play thing or was that only in the end?

I wonder if you knew how to tell people or if you just let them

Make their own assumptions, like your mother who I still talk to

I doubt you had the balls to tell them you cheated

That you really were the one to blame and not just me

I wonder if you lied your way out of your feelings so you could

Be with her, like you never really loving me, or love leaving suddenly

Look at you now...look where you've gone...and then look at me

You painted this picture, but I am fine so in the end, all is well with me
Is it well with you?