Life Without My Best Friend

Life without my best friend is minimal at best.
He's almost like a type of glue,
When I look at him, he seems to hold my everything together.

Our life together has been shaken by the normal transitions of life.
Graduation, to name one, has been placed in the center,
Our relationship has been left behind.

I am jealous of graduation.
It is what he is striving for, what he needs.
For this brief moment in time, I am not. I hate it.

I wish this time would hurry up and pass
So that our love can take the wheel again
And this ceaseless fighting might end.

I will admit, there were problems before the transition.
This turbulence has been in the making,
But the transition brought everything in our faces.

Now with it staring back at us,
How will we react? How might this change relations forever?
I am both excited and terrified to find out.

Cause like I said...
Life without my best friend is minimal at best.

My Box of Dreams

Before today, my dreams were placed in a box
It was strapped down with chains and discarded
Some years later, I went to my attic in my head to make sense of my life
There, I found an unfamiliar box.

The box looked like it had been abandoned for years
It was bouncing around; for whatever was inside was trying to escape.
I undid the lock and pulled apart the chains,
And reluctantly, I opened the box.

Whatever was inside burst out with a bang!
I fell backwards.
There was music, laughter, photographs of my long sought future
My box of dreams.

I soared through the air,
I climbed a mountain,
I got married,
I was an established photographer.

My box of dreams took me around the world
I saw Egypt, Australia, France, and New Zealand
I saw countries at peace
And I saw neighbors helping each other

My box showed me my own life
I saw my photography studio
I saw the birth of my children
I saw my grandchildren and I playing in a field
I saw myself and my husband on rocking chairs on our front porch, both of us old

I reflected after the new awakening of my dreams
I realized for too long I had let others dictate my dreams
I had let others tell me to soar too low and not reach for more
I had let people close to me shoot me down

Not anymore.
I am ready to take a leap of faith
And fulfill my dreams,
Every last one of them.

The Friend

I'm grabbling at the reigns
Trying to make sense of the familiar
I'm lost in my own heart
Things that were once real have faded

A girl in need of a guide
Both have failed and others take their place
Lacking in the one thing to make her whole
I see what you have and envy you for it

I pity myself and my circumstances
I hang my head low, feeling left out
I've been abandoned by the abandoned
The sick cycle continues

You cannot fill this void
I try to mold you into its shape
I need a friend there to heal me
You are the only Friend I need

I look to others in an attempt to regain control
Only You can control
I try to hide my insecurities and emptiness
There is no hiding from You

From the depths of my soul comes a hideous yell
You quench my thirst
Leading me to a peaceful forest
Where I lie in Your arms as you save me

Unappreciated

Even when I'm mad, I think of you
Even when I'm over here
And you're over there, I think of you
Even when you don't care,
You roll your eyes,
You say I'm being dramatic,
I still think of you

I'm thinking of you now,
But I don't want to give in.

You make me feel unappreciated.
I feel unappreciated.
I am unappreciated.
Unappreciated.
The word even sounds like it's in dispair.
Much like I am at the thought of your
Handsome face wriggling for my help
At every turn.

I give reluctantly and you slither away
Until the time comes when I am needed again.

A Whole New World

I just want to be near you
In everything I do.
I want to enjoy this world with you.
I want to love you.

You make me want to be a better person.
You make my heart yearn for more.
You make me fall hopelessly in love with you
So that it's hard to do things on my own.

I would love to be more independent.
I would love to have a better grip on myself.
I would love to be able to do things
Without the thought of you crossing my mind every time.

You are the reason I am still smiling.
You are the reason I love life.
You are the reason I still have hope in my future
And in our future together.

I want both worlds.
I need to meet myself halfway.
No more of this pity bullshit.
I'm done with it and with dependence.

I'm starting a new world;
A world of my own where I can compromise.
And that world starts today...

Could you?

I don't want to be like her
I don't want to be a shadow of what she once was
I would rather not be annoying, bitchy, or judgmental
And I obviously do not wish to be perfect for your parents.

So could you start communicating with me more?
Could you start answering my calls and texts?
Could you start being considerate of my feelings?
And could you start standing up for me in front of your parents?

I ask all of these things so that I won't be her
And you won't have another bimbo girlfriend,
But a passionate friend.

Please Answer

People leave.
Most people leave things behind
Things like memories, love, passion,
Ideas, heartache, friendship
Things that cannot be retrieved unless sought.

Most do not come back to search
They piddle away anything useful and meaningful
And search for something or someone else
Because it is easier to find new than repair old.

I do not leave.
I try not to leave good things behind.
The bad can gladly fade away.
The good, I tend to keep my grip on.

Like you, my dear friend.
How many times have you said you wanted to see me
Only to never answer my phone calls
Or my ideas of getting together?

I love you.
But sometimes, you bite off more than you can chew.
Luckily, I know how that can happen
And I try to be patient, but it can hurt.

Please answer next time.


Dedicated to M.G.